Watching Toy Story 3 with my Asian Mom…
Mom: Did the pizza make this?
Me: (pause) Yes, Pixar made this.
Mom: They should at least make a sex Toy Story, you know?
Mom: Is the 3 the last one? They need to make a three more, be a rich!
Me: (chuckle) Oh, make 6? Yeah… this is the last one.
Mom: Oh, too bad.
Me: Yeah, I guess.
Mom: The disrespecting me is no good.
Me: (pause) Umm… ok, I know.
Mom: Very bad moobie.
Me (thinking in my head): What the hell is she talking about?? (pause) Oh… Despicable Me… no good… got it).
Watching The Social Network with my Asian Mom…
Mom: Did they make the Yoo-Hoo?
Me: (pause) Uhhh… who?
Mom: The juice.
Me: What? (pause) First of all, it’s not juice, it’s chocolate milk… and secondly, who are you talking about?
Mom: The Juice!!
Me: (long pause) Oh my god… the Jews??
Me: Wow… ok, too far… and why would they make Yoo-Hoo??
Mom: Because everybody use the Yoo-Hoo on the internet.
Me: (pause) Wait… YouTube?
Mom: Yes… sometimes I use too.
Me: No, not You Too… YouTUBE! Where you watch the videos!
Mom: You mean the Hulu??
Me: (sigh) Oh my god… forget it.
Mom: Oh sorry, I mean the Yahoo!
Watching Family Feud with my Asian Mom…
Me: Calm down… “Work Out/Lose Weight” is already up there as the number one answer.
Mom: How come they always change the hoes?
Me: You mean the host? I have no idea.
Mom: I don’t like the Montell William… he need to lose weight for the new years resurrection.
Me: (sigh) That’s not Montell Williams, it’s Steve Harv… (pause) nevermind. Yeah you’re right… he did get a little chubby.
Watching Salt with my Asian Mom…
(Mom walks into the living room spraying air freshener)
Mom: Did you farting again?
Me: It’s these boiled eggs.
(continues to spray)
Mom: You sure??
Mom: Whatever. (pause) Is that… an injury jolly?
Me: (pause) Yes, that’s Angelina Jolie.
Mom: What moobie is this?
Me: (sigh) Salt!
Mom: You go get it!
Me: (sigh) No, the movie is called Salt.
Mom: (pause) Ok lazy boy… I go get it for you, ok?
Me: (deep sigh)